{"product_id":"dehydrated-water-bottle-32oz-of-glorious-existential-dread-perfect-gag-gift-for-seances-funerals-and-the-apocalypse-or-christmas-secret-santas-if-you-re-into-that-kind-of-thing","title":"Dehydrated Water Bottle: 32oz of Glorious Existential Dread. Perfect Gag Gift for Seances, Funerals, and the Apocalypse (Or Christmas\/Secret Santas if You’re Into That Kind of Thing)","description":"\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003eBrand:\u003c\/b\u003e Avant Grub\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003eColor:\u003c\/b\u003e Black\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003eFeatures:\u003c\/b\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eA BOTTLE AS DRY AS YOUR HUMOR. Their kidneys will fail, but your gift won’t. This thing is as packed full of jokes as my basement is with bodies.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eSHOCKINGLY GOOD ACCORDING TO MY MOM. Wow, sweetie, you even made a box? Why is it triangular though? Does my baby need some more dino nuggets? MOM STOP IT, THIS IS A REAL PRODUCT!!! Also, yes some nugs would be great. Love you!\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eGUARANTEED UNTIL THE HEAT DEATH OF UNIVERSE. We offer a No-Nonsense Lifetime Satisfaction Guarantee on all of our gag gifts. If at any point you're not 100% happy, just send us an email\/carrier pigeon\/Facebook poke, and we promise to make it right!\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eYOUR GIFTEE WILL LOVE THIS. You don’t even know. It’s an endless void of hilarity (AKA my love life). Guaranteed to crush, unless someone else bought the same thing, in which case you have to fight to the death :\/ Sorry, I don’t make the rules.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eJUST ADD WATER TO SUMMON A 4TH DIMENSIONAL BEING. Or you know, to drink from it? Your call I guess, but I know what I would choose. Also, it’s actually a legit stainless steel bottle, which is wild since our first draft was just paper mache and lead\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003ePERFECT FOR EVERY OCCASION \u0026amp; BUDGET. Whether you need under a thoughtful present, yankee swap item, or white elephant exchanges, this unique insulated bottle works for Secret Santa, Dirty Santa, birthdays, Fathers Day, retirement or bachelor parties\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eIDEAL GIFT FOR ANY GUY IN YOUR LIFE. Awesome present for him, dad, father, papa, grandpa, grandfather, husband, hubby, boyfriend, best friend, bff, boss, coworker, employee, coach, teacher, uncle, big brother, little brother, cousin, male roommate.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eHILARIOUS NOVELTY FOR CHRISTMAS AND MORE. This ridiculous item delights anyone who enjoys twisted tacky humor. Perfect stocking stuffer, pollyanna swap gift, grab bag surprise, or unexpected prank that's one of the ultimate useless trending novelties\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eSTRANGE AND ODD. This ridiculously interesting cool bundle will delight any special firefighter, nurse, electrician, contractor, office lawyer, military personnel, teen boy, college student, or adult man for their bday\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eBEST GIFT IDEA FOR CRAZY HUMOR LOVERS. Silly stupid tiny gift set perfect for girlfriend, employee appreciation, promotion celebrations, or just because. This is thoughtful yet twisted - unexpected unusual idea for xmas holiday swaps\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003ePart Number:\u003c\/b\u003e Dehydrated Water Bottle\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003eDetails:\u003c\/b\u003e Tired of your water being too... watery?\u003cbr\u003e\nThat's why we've eliminated water's most problematic feature: existing. Is it a joke? Yes. Is it functional? Yes. Is Avant Grub staffed by literally insane people? Yes, though we prefer, “Quirky and irreverent.”\u003cbr\u003e\nBut you can use our eccentricity for your benefit. Gift one of our novelties to surprise and delight anyone with a fun sense of humor, a pulse, or even anyone without a pulse (please buy our products). The hydration solution you never knew you didn't not need, that we can't not recommend, and that won't not change your life.\u003cbr\u003e\nIf your head hurts after reading that sentence, don’t worry, just take a nice long sip of Dehydrated Water and all will definitely not become clear. Big Water doesn't want you to know this ONE WEIRD TRICK!\u003cbr\u003e\nHydration companies HATE us. I literally don't understand if this is a real product\u003cbr\u003e\nFinally, a product that makes as little sense as your life choices! Can I actually drink from this thing?\u003cbr\u003e\nI don’t know, can you? Can I return it if I don't like having a black hole appear in my living room?\u003cbr\u003e\nAbsolutely! You can even keep the black hole. Please be aware that our customer service team consists of one intern named Craig who communicates exclusively through interpretive dance. Craig is very talented but easily startled, so please be nice. Is this dishwasher safe?\u003cbr\u003e\nEverything is dishwasher safe if you're brave enough. Also technically yes, but we do recommend hand washing because the bottle is kinda scared of the dark. What’s in the Box?\u003cbr\u003e\nOne funny 32 ounce insulated water bottle with straw nestled in a collector's-grade box so fancy you'll feel guilty throwing it away. Note: Water not included\u003cbr\u003e\nWarning: Box may contain trace amounts of hopes, dreams, and plutonium\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003eEAN:\u003c\/b\u003e 0195759008275\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003ePackage Dimensions:\u003c\/b\u003e 10.5 x 6.8 x 5.9 inches\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Elecoreano","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":43135194398809,"sku":"B0FRTVRL59","price":43.97,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0698\/8991\/7017\/files\/81L-9ln_VVL.jpg?v=1774321405","url":"https:\/\/elecoreano.com\/products\/dehydrated-water-bottle-32oz-of-glorious-existential-dread-perfect-gag-gift-for-seances-funerals-and-the-apocalypse-or-christmas-secret-santas-if-you-re-into-that-kind-of-thing","provider":"Elecoreano","version":"1.0","type":"link"}